Im so freaking tired! Today's paper was okay. I think i can get an A for it though i knew for sure there's 2 mistakes. Of which, 1 is really unforgivable. Im going to take my nap soon and wake up in the evening and start my battle with accounts.
Couldnt get to sleep last night. Despite lying on my bed, tossing and turning for exactly an hour, i decided to give up and go online. Chatted with a couple of friends on my msn list and fell asleep finally at only almost 3am.
I had a very serious conversation with Derek last night. Derek is a colleague cum friend i got to know while working at Citibank last year. He's 8 years my senior but we get along really well. The usual msn chats and mid-night phone chats were mostly about teasing and laughing at each other, trying to irritate one another till we plead for peace. But yesterday was different, yesterday both of us were using a very serious tone.
Im beginning to get worried for my future maybe say 10 years down the road. Will i be as stressful and "lifeless" as Derek is right now? Being a team leader, a superior, a boss, he got to forgo so many others and indulge in alcohol and weed to ease his pains and worries. What will i be 10 years later, and what would i do to handle this amount of stress? He's on the verge of breaking down, and i bet i would be worst. Putting on a facade, acting strong in front of his subordinates, will i be able to handle this?
Hit by the real world, i know how harsh reality can be. I encouraged him and "counselled" him, feels pretty amusing to think about it now. An 18 year old gonnabe trying to help a 26 year old guy with all her
Anyhow, i learnt that at different phases of life, there's a different amount and weightage of responsibilities humans have to handle. It keeps increasing and many things would end up being an opportunity cost. Is that what life is all about? Im beginning to dread growing up and enter the working society. I do not wish to face all the fake people around in the company or department. Cos every one seems too fake, presenting themselves with a mask or being a two headed snake. Though the short amount of time i spent in Citibank, i realised how evil humans can be. And i hate it.
Im not saying that i am perfect, nor am i not as fake as them. But in life, all's the same. Agree?
Oh well, bed time.
* yours truly.
amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
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